Dear Dudes Who Wear Chick Pants,
Stop. I don't want to see the outline of your manpickle through your jeans. I don't want to know that you have an abnormally large sack simply because you went into bebe and bought pants. I hate you and I will not date any of you hipster emo JO's ever.
Dear Governor Chris Christie,
You're fat. I hate you.
Dear Bad Music,
Please stop being made. You make my ears bleed.
Dear Vacation,
Do you think you can hurry up your shit and get here already? I am dying. I need a full week of you before I go apeshit and climb the water tower. LOL!
Dear Air Conditioning,
I love you. Since the first day we met, I knew we would be together forever. Don't go changin' on me. KIT this winter. I think you're super cute. We should hang out sometime.. Like tonight. When I get home. I will turn you on like you've never been turned on before. I will be so hot, I'll need you to cool me down. We'll make beautiful ice cubes together. I love you.
I think that's all for now. The letter to my Air Conditioner got me a little hot & bothered. I'm sleepy. I hate my job. It makes me sleepy. More later..
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