Shit that pisses me off.

I've been in a bad mood recently. Well not really bad, more like a "blah" mood. I've been kinda irritable and every little thing has been pissing me off. I think when that happens, it's a sign I need to take my fat ass out of work and lay on my couch for a few days eating pancake batter out of a pressurized can. When you start to daydream about getting into a car accident or contracting some sort of flu with wings, it's time for a vacation. Unfortunately, I don't have one until the first week of August..............!!!!!!!!!!!)($#)$&#&*#$&Q So my hatred for all man and womankind has sparked a list. A detailed, poorly thought out list of shit that pisses me the fuck off - WITH PICS! YAYAYAYAY!!!


1. Midgets

I know. It's not their fault that they're small and oddly shaped and probably smell like a Chinese food combination dinner platter gone bad... But.. I hate them. I don't know exactly why. I'm not afraid I'm going to become one. From what I can tell by my family, this brand of hatred has been passed down through generations. Aunt's, uncle's, mother's and father's all hate this breed of human and if it's based on looks alone, I can see why. They need their own island where things are made smaller and more fitting. They don't belong in real people world. Fuckin midge's.

2. Complainers

Everyone complains. I'm complaining like a little bitch right now. What I can't stand is, when people constantly complain about the same issues over and over and over again and do absolutely not one thing to fix them. If your moms a bitch and you're of legal age and you can't stand her shit anymore - Leave. Simple as that. Do something about it. Sitting on your ass with your thumb up it hoping you'll wake up one day and be living somewhere else ain't gonna fuckin happen. So man up and fix your own damn problems.

3. Fake Voice
This is one of my favorites. I cannot stand people who are fake nice. You know how it is. You see someone you haven't seen in a while so they have that fake ass smile plastered on their face and their voice goes up all high so that only dogs can hear it. They almost always say this: "OMG HIIIIIIIII!!!!! I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE GOING TO BE HERE. OMG HOW ARE YOOOUUU??!" And you want to do nothing more than pick up the nearest utensil and jam it into their eye socket. I hate fake bitches. I'm not fake. If I don't like you, you know it. I can be cordial but I won't kiss your ass. Ever.

4. People that talk over you/try to top you
I worked with this girl last year that was one of these people. If you have a story about something, she has one that's 9 thousand times better and louder than yours will ever be. Funny story about something that happened over the weekend? Bet your ass I do. However, this bitches was so much better than mine, the guys that made The Hangover should be banging down her door for her story so they have a plot for their next explosive diarrhea movie. I hate this girl with a burning fiery passion.


5. Feminine Product Commercials

Okay. I have girl parts. I have had girl parts since I was spawned. I know what happens to my girl parts. Why do I need 50 million commercials bombarding me every day to buy feminine wash, tampons, maxi pads, herpes meds etc??? I know what goes on down there. It's gross. Things literally breed in there and cause discomfort for some women. So why can't we do what we do for everything else? ASK YOUR FUCKING DOCTOR. Why are these commercials so commonplace now? Why does the world need to know about my hootie hoo and which cycle it's in? I also can't stand when other chicks feel the need to let me know they're periodical. We all get it. Every single last one of us whether we want to or not. I don't need to know that "Oh I'm just having this box of chocolates because I have my period, not because I'm a giant fat ass."


6. LOL!!!!!!!!!!


We, as a species, have gone LOL crazy. It's at the end of EVERY SINGLE SENTENCE EVER CREATED IN THE LAST 5 YEARS, LOL! I'm so tired of seeing it. I can go on Facebook and see the most mundane task written in someones status and all they do is add LOL on the end like it's the funniest thing that ever happened. "Took the dishes out of the dishwasher & one fell LOL!!!!" NO THAT IS NOT FUCKING FUNNY. You did not Laugh Out Loud when a dish fell and you most certainly did NOT laugh your fucking ass off when it happened. Life is not this hilarious, people. So just stop it. This should only be in response to someone if they say something funny. Not to your own damn sentence that you and ONLY you thought was the funniest fucking thing ever. Ya know what's funny? Me using my chubby doughy fists to punch your face in. That's fucking funny. LOL.


7. Punctuality.


Am I the only person on the planet that can be on time for shit? Do I just really have no life that I can leave whenever the fuck I want and be there on time? I'm starting to think it's a special power. This one really gets to me.  I am NEVER late. I'm usually a few minutes early or right on time. Every time someone is late I want to kick a baby. Every time someone is late somewhere I want to burn down a small village. This is how much it angers me. Just simply because there's no reason for it and it's inconsiderate. You being late says to me "hey! I don't give a crap about you and your time means nothing to me!! I was late because of mememememe!" There are times when people just can't avoid it. But when it's a constant thing, I want to push old ladies in front of trains. LOL!


8. Humans.


I hate people. As a whole. Individually we're not so bad. Some of us, anyway. But human beings in a large group as a whole are probably the most stupid creatures on the planet. I hate being in big groups of us. I abhor it. Do I really need to go into detail? The last 7 had a lot to do with people as a whole making terrible decisions. Especially midgets.


9. Bad Parenting.

This is by far my pettiest of all the peeves. It is also the most controversial. I'm not married. I don't have kids. And for that matter, I don't generally like children. And good God in Heaven, do not get me started on dirty kid hands. However, people may say I have no authority to speak on this subject because I'm not a parent. Well to them I say, read #8 and go on ahead and gently fuck yourself with a hot fire poker. I'm an adult with an opinion and I'm going to share it, sucka. If I'm in the supermarket and your bratty kid is screaming cause he wants oreos and you aren't delivering.. Do what my mother would have done if I threw a tantrum in public: Pick up child. Leave store. Beat child in car. You're a bad parent. Your kids aren't afraid of you. That's why they throw tantrums and annoy the fuck out of people as awesome as me. Because YOU let them! Your babies should not be at the midnight showing on a Friday night of Nightmare on Elm Street. Here's a novel idea; GET A FUCKING BABYSITTER. I hate parents. They think they're Gods gift on earth because they had unprotected sex and brought another life into this world that's already filled to the brim with screaming, drooling, gross people. Ugh. Hateeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.


This is where I'm leaving off. I've gotten myself so worked up in anger that I want to go lay down and take a nap under an 18 wheeler. I hope you enjoyed my list and please feel free to tell me The shit that pisses you off!