I check my pulse like 30 times a day. While I'm eating. While I'm sitting at my desk. While I'm driving. While I write my blog. I have this obsession over my heart health. Probably because I don't take care of myself like I should. My father died of a heart related issue and my mother had a heart attack last year so ever since the thoughts of dying of a heart attack have almost taken over my life. Any type of weird feeling or slight pain, I automatically assume I'm going to die right there of a heart attack. Sometimes I get a little dizzy from sinus pressure... heart attack. It's getting to the point that even when I'm out with friends I secretly check it. There's not really any point in the day where I'm not either actively thinking about it or it's in the back of my mind.
WTF CAN I DO TO MAKE THIS STOP??????????????????????????????
Sorry. I needed to vent.
Friday, July 22, 2011
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Secrets
"I don't know what it is about me that makes people think I want to hear their problems. Maybe I smile too much. Maybe I wear too much pink."
-Pam, True Blood
God this is truer than true. I really wonder if I wear an invisible sign that I can't see, but others can. Too many times have I been out somewhere and a stranger just struck up a conversation with me. What do I have to do to make it known that I don't care? And for some reason, those strangers always want to tell me what's on their mind. Why do I care that this stranger sitting in the booth next to me at Applebees has money problems? Hey, why don't you stop going to Applebees then and save your money, chubbs? If I'm out and alone.. Forget about it. If I'm at a bar or a club waiting for friends and having a drink.. no doubt someone (always the creepy ones) want to tell me their deepest darkest secrets. I think I need to start going out with "DO NOT TALK TO ME" written in Urban Decay's Gash Lipstick. (Which is a personal fav, BTW) Maybe that will get it in their heads that I. DO. NOT. GIVE. A. FUCK.
I understand that I work for the judicial system.. So people telling me their problems at work is pretty standard. However, this has been going on my entire life. Maybe the next time a stranger approaches me, I will let out a slow growl. Maybe that will work?
I fuckin hate people.
-Pam, True Blood
God this is truer than true. I really wonder if I wear an invisible sign that I can't see, but others can. Too many times have I been out somewhere and a stranger just struck up a conversation with me. What do I have to do to make it known that I don't care? And for some reason, those strangers always want to tell me what's on their mind. Why do I care that this stranger sitting in the booth next to me at Applebees has money problems? Hey, why don't you stop going to Applebees then and save your money, chubbs? If I'm out and alone.. Forget about it. If I'm at a bar or a club waiting for friends and having a drink.. no doubt someone (always the creepy ones) want to tell me their deepest darkest secrets. I think I need to start going out with "DO NOT TALK TO ME" written in Urban Decay's Gash Lipstick. (Which is a personal fav, BTW) Maybe that will get it in their heads that I. DO. NOT. GIVE. A. FUCK.
I understand that I work for the judicial system.. So people telling me their problems at work is pretty standard. However, this has been going on my entire life. Maybe the next time a stranger approaches me, I will let out a slow growl. Maybe that will work?
I fuckin hate people.
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